When bold is beautiful...

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Carol TaylorWhen bold is beautiful...

‘Tell me five things you are good at.’ I have helped develop leaders for many years and I am still struck by how talented, successful and dynamic people stumble over this request.

Common reactions are surprised long pauses, stumbling embarrassment or a list of the individual’s faults.  Even in a coaching relationship where I get to know someone over many months, it is a challenge to help people move forward from this default negative response.

Where does this reluctance come from?  Culturally, our Atlantic cousins have developed a culture where success is celebrated -  but it’s not British to be a bighead. I think some of us are programmed from very early on to keep our light under a deep, dark bushel. Our language is rich with phrases such as ‘know your place’, ‘getting above yourself’, and - my personal bugbear, ‘too clever by half’.

And where we think someone is too big for their boots, language again is our weapon of choice, helping us to  ‘bring people down a peg or two’, ‘cut them down to size’, ‘put them in their place’. No wonder that we’re reluctant to stand up and tell others how good we are!

I see some of this manifest in the way effective leaders - usually highly empathetic people, encouraging and often forgiving with those around them - are so quick to admit to their ‘failings’ when their own performance comes under scrutiny.

Whether it be a performance review, studying psychometric profiles, getting feedback from a 360 appraisal or selling themselves for a new job, the reaction is almost without exception to focus on weaknesses and self-criticism.

But what does this matter, if recognition of our weaknesses isn’t also a signal that we strive for constant improvement? If complacency is the enemy of progress isn’t this a laudable trait in a leader? For surely the organisation that improves, flourishes…

I can see where remedying weaker aspects of performance and personality can produce a leader who ticks more boxes.  As a typical driven, perfectionist A-type personality, I use this hard-hearted principle to put my own performance under the microscope of self-improvement. As a result, what I’m challenging now is not so much the why but the how the way we go about achieving this.

I am struck by the amount of energy that is devoted to trying to rectify people’s weaknesses. It’s not something that’s unique to the world of work. From his years in sports coaching Timothy Gallwey realised that ‘... almost everyone who came to me for a lesson was trying very hard to fix some aspect of their game that they didn’t like.’

What would happen if the same amount of energy were put into building on something that we already know is good?

Marcus Buckingham is one of the most influential proponents of the Strengths Movement, which advocates excellence is not the opposite of failure. In his 2001 book Now, Discover Your Strengths, Buckingham says: ‘Guided by the belief that good is the opposite of bad, mankind has for centuries pursued its fixation with fault and failing.’

Buckingham and his colleagues propose a revolutionary change of mindset to benefit an organisation and place power firmly in the hands of the individual. To the question posed by any one of us preoccupied by our own weakness: ‘Are there any obstacles to building my strengths?’, the authors reply candidly: ‘Yes. Your own reluctance.’

I am not being naive about our complexity as human beings, denying that weaknesses exist. I am talking about the power of freeing ourselves from the tyranny of the negative and giving ourselves a pat on the back, where it’s deserved.

My own coach helped me recognise my own strengths. She asked me to say, not just what I was good at, but what I was exceptional at doing.  Uncomfortable as this was at first, I found it strangely liberating. This approach became my mantra when meeting a new client, when confidence faltered, or when challenged and out of my comfort zone. I increased my self-assurance, reduced my stress levels and gained valuable insight in how to reproduce excellence time and again.  

Now I am helping my own clients achieve similar results, and I’m eager to spread the word about the value of positivity. What do I think we have to gain by encouraging people to acknowledge their strengths?  

A person aware of their strengths will put themselves forward for the right job in the right organisation. To achieve a more effective whole they are more likely to assemble a balanced team of individuals with diverse talents. Because they are comfortable talking about strengths, they will encourage others to do the same. An organisation that focuses on strengths is more likely to consistently reproduce excellence.  And a climate where excellence and the achievements it produces are celebrated is likely to be a far happier place to work, with all the associated motivations.

Here are four simple steps to work towards. Experienced coaching will help define these as more personal goals:

To move these from mantra to habit will require practice, particularly as being openly positive about yourself may be removed from your normal behaviour. But take that first step and ask yourself not what you’re good at, what are you exceptional at doing. And be forgiving when you ask the same question of someone – and they reply with a tight smile and a downward glance!

Carol Taylor is a TSOC consultant specialising in leadership and management development, executive coaching and effective communications.

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